Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Umore a piè di pagina



    Cervello
    Qualche neurone a destra della corteccia cerebrale
    Meditazioni di Lex davanti ai regali

    La tizia di fronte a me, sedicente cugina - nota rompipalle perfino ai nipoti di dodicesimo grado - mi allunga il suo pacchetto color rosa pallido perfettamente incartato. Mentre lo scarto per grazia divina (o meglio, grazie ai due litri di-vino) riesco a perdere contatto con il contesto.

    Mi piacciono i libri, mica tutti, è chiaro. Anche se, visti da fuori, sono belli anche i romanzi orrendi. Mi piacciono le parole. Mi immagino gli scrittori come gente che pesca un'idea dal contenitore là fuori - il mondo - e la piazza in quella scatola poliedrica che è la pagina. La materia delle parole sono le cose del mondo. Solo che bisogna avere cautela, perchè se si infilano a casaccio, le parole si sciupano e non assomigliano più a niente. Al massimo sembrano brutte copie della verità. Come i marchi occidentali copiati dai cinesi - Empoio Armai, Gianfranco Feré... - si capisce subito che sono falsi.
    Ci sono anche i corpi estranei, cose che se ne stanno a metà tra il mondo e la pagina. Le note. Tollero le glosse soltanto nei manuali, altrimenti sono noiose (a meno che tu non sia un manico e magari ti chiami Borges) perché spezzano il filo del discorso e costringono le pupille a una corsa a ostacoli tra le righe. E poi sono presuntuose.
    1. guarda come sono intelligente     2. come? Non lo sapevi?!     3. ti devo proprio spiegare tutto, eh


    L'imbecille strizzata nel suo abitino rosa pallido attende il mio grazie. Mi rigiro tra le mani il suo regalo. Un noiosissimo libro stracolmo di note a piè di pagina.
    No, non è un manuale.
    Tra qualche secondo scoprirò di aver ricevuto anche un vestito bianco troppo stretto e uno nero troppo largo. Senza contare la borsa turchese regalata da zia Enna (ex femminista-sessantottina-figliadeifiori, ex bella donna ed ex sana di mente, tre volte ex moglie a causa dei numerosi ex amanti e proprietaria di cinque ex cani, le cui ceneri sono contenute in un ex barattolo di biscotti).
    Fisso la borsa e il sorriso si spegne. Sarebbe un perfetto accessorio da ufficio - ideale se indossato con un orrido paio di ballerine di Oiro - se non fosse per la scritta LOVE ME NOW che la ricopre completamente.
    Intanto mia madre si avvicina, minacciosa. "Tieni, cucciolotta, mangia del panettone", dice allungandomi il piatto. Gesto che, per una celiaca, vale quanto un "gradisci del polonio?". Ma al momento, essendo sprovvista di stricnina, mi pare un atto caritatevole.

    Respiro e mi ricarico con un'immagine antichristmas.
    Focalizzo Babbo Natale legato in posizione scoscia-capretto, bersagliato con balocchi ipertecnologici dai piccoli folletti e calpestato a turno da Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen, le dolci e care cornute renne.

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